I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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