can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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