dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
