i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
