sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
