what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I can't trust your balls anymore.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
