We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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