you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
