That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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