Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
