I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
