he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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