I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
