Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
