You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
