Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
