i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
