So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
