guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
