if you like me you must not know who I am
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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