Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
