is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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