Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
