So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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