I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
