that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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