Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Your tits are I can't wait for
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Randomize
