NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
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