i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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