I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
