i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
