smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
