is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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