Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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