i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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