I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
