You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
