Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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