i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
