its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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