Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Randomize
