The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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