Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
