Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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