Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
