Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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