theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
zippers are such a cool invention
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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