Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
