Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
