Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
