just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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