I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
